The Burden of Being Single

SingleNotAvailThere’s this weird thing that happens when you find yourself as one of the last single people among your friends, or when you reach a certain age and are shockingly, still unmarried.  Suddenly there’s something wrong with you.  There’s a huge hole in your life.  You’re now being judged by the person that five minutes ago found someone not completely repulsive on a dating website.

There’s this weird thing that happens when people couple up.  They discover they have a pitying facial expression that automatically pops up when they meet a singleton.  They develop this superior attitude as if they’ve discovered some ultimate secret and are now determined to “help” you.

The other night, I had these two older male diners making small talk, asking if I was married, blah blah blah, and when I said I wasn’t seeing anyone, one of them had the audacity to ask what was wrong with me.  The other asked if I was happy.


Yes, I am happy, as surprising as that may be.  I’m content being on my own at this point in my life.  I don’t need a man to feel complete and fulfilled, etc.  But clearly you’re just looking for some explanation as to why you’re not, as you’ve made multiple comments about being unhappy in your 25 years of marriage.  Honestly, I was a bit put off by the whole exchange and was happy to see them leave.  Why do people, strangers even, think it’s okay to say something they have absolutely no right or knowledge to comment on?  Side note, this is the same problem I have with social media and the lack of filter most people seem to possess nowadays.


Two of my heroines never married – Elizabeth I and Jane Austen.  Both were single in a time when it wasn’t exactly acceptable for a woman to be, and yet here they are, hundreds of years later, respected and revered for such brave decisions.  So why in this day and age is my choice to not enter into a time sucking and emotionally draining relationship so unusual?

My last serious relationship was with a deceitful, manipulative philanderer.  After a physical confrontation of a break up, I was turned off by the whole idea of dating, and for a while after, it made me reflect on my own faults at having been so twisted to suit his will.  I didn’t think I could be so easily swayed, but clearly that’s what had happened and I doubted myself for some time afterward.

Now, I’m looking for something extraordinary.  I don’t want to just date randoms.  A) I don’t have time for that, and B) Take this as you will, I want more.  You’re probably thinking, but how will you find that “one” if you’re not dating?  Like I said, I’m okay building the kind of life I want on my own.  I’m not high maintenance, but at this stage in my life, I am who I am, and it would take someone with a particular understanding of this to add to my life, and I haven’t met the one that offers that.  This is probably why I write romance – so I can live vicariously through my characters.

This is a post of solidarity to my fellow singletons and a message to those of you who have coupled up and feel it your obligation to pair off everyone you know:  Unless we say otherwise, we’re okay on our own…

Although, I am tempted to get some sort of sign for future reference – #TallGirlProblems 😉


Have a great weekend!


2 thoughts on “The Burden of Being Single

  1. What a powerful post. Elizabeth I and Jane Austen are GREAT examples of women who remained single and flourished. I’m really sorry that your last partner was a schmuck but, anyway, enjoy the single life. It certainly has its advantages. Freedom being #1.

    Liked by 1 person

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