So I’ve been dragging my feet. I need to finish this retrospective and get to other things, and at the same time, I’m growing tired of looking back on my life and seeing where it has and hasn’t gone. Yeah, it’s been a bit fun. It’s also been eye-opening.

I think I’m also over it.

I’ve been saying a lot of the same things for many years now. I’m gonna do better. I’m gonna make big changes. This is the year. Blah blah blah. I suppose it’s not a bad thing that I’ve been able to maintain this wide-eyed sense of possibility and optimism all these years, but looking back, it really is time to do better. Take chances. Do what I keep suggesting/recommending/encouraging. Actually BE a writer.

I mean I am. I am a writer. I just want it to be my full time job. (Another thing I’ve said a lot these last number of years.)

What I consider one of my better posts, from a year ago, was about this very thing. It was the “lie” I kept telling myself. I am a writer, despite working in dead end jobs, because in actuality, I’m in the dead end job to be able to be a writer. (Even when I’m not writing ((insert eye roll)).) Vicious cycle.

So, one year ago.

All right. Let’s do this.

I was blogging more, back up to 56 posts and my viewers were over 5,500. Better. And they were good ones, not just writing prompt images and quotes without context. There were details and links. Yup. Gonna give myself a little pat on the back.

I had completed the final rewrite on my troublesome child of a screenplay, Fate(s). I had rewritten my pilot, The Demeter, completed the first draft on my new script, Projection, while also finishing the newest chapter in my (now on-going) Dragon Age fanfiction.

Looking back, that makes me a bit proud.

I can’t say I’m proud of this past year, but that’s another story. I mean, we moved. Again. Across multiple states. That takes a lot out of a person.

I met with a screenwriting coach who assured me it was time to move back to California, and that was truly one of the highlights of the past few years. It was encouraging to hear that I was ready to take on the challenge of becoming a professional screenwriter. What is the challenge you may ask? Making friends in the industry aka network. ((sigh))

And now here we are, ready to reflect on the past few months in to the 10th anniversary. What an experience this has been.

In the post about the big “Lie” I ended it by saying: Why would you want to keep reading about my journey if I don’t have one? I want to thank all of you who have stuck by me all these years while I meandered my way. I feel like I’m finally getting it together, and do, in fact, have some news to share on this front.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for all your kind words and support. Having you in my corner has helped me to keep coming back and allowed me to celebrate this achievement, I’ve honed my voice, and become the person/writer I am today because of it.

xx, Rach

We’re nearing the finish line. Whew.

This has been an interesting endeavor – reflection. I don’t want to get into the existential crisis I may be teetering on right now, but, yeah, it’s been interesting, to say the least.

And while it’s been “interesting”, it’s also been more time consuming than I would have thought, and I have so many other things I want to talk/write about. So let’s get to the finish line.

At this point we are well into quarantine. There was no where to go. Nothing to do. The Sis and I took a drive down the Las Vegas Strip one night and it was strange. Like end of times movie strange. The hotels were mostly dark, which rarely happens, and the streets were quiet, empty of people or cars, which never happens.

The world was in limbo.

And I remember feeling sort of lost.

I had quit my job in order to get ready for the move and then we just had to wait. And wait. And wait. After nearly a year, I couldn’t take it anymore, so we got ourselves together and moved to Washington State.

It was one of the most stressful moves we had. I don’t know why, but no matter how prepared I thought we were for the endeavor, it was still a bit of a mess. The stress also triggered the auto-immune disorder our poor little pup would eventually be diagnosed with.

Before I knew this though, we got settled, and I finally felt inspired to write. I was blogging again, and writing (probably fan fiction – don’t judge), and feeling more like myself. That year I posted 34 times, nearly double from the previous year, and there were some lengthy ones in there, and my viewers reached over 3k again (thanks for that!), and then…

One of our dogs started acting strange. I’m ashamed to say we thought he was just acting out, and later discovered it was a precursor, a warning sign. His tiny body started to exhibit all manner of bumps, lesions, and rashes, etc over the course of a handful of weeks. We were constantly at the vet until she was able to diagnose him with a rare disorder called Sterile Panniculitis. This moment in time sucked. He was so sick. His little body so battered.

Some of the meds made him a wee zombie and all I wanted to do was hold him. Babying him is not something I will ever regret doing, but it did often keep both hands occupied. I’m guessing I watched a lot of movies during those months, although I can’t find the list. Once we got his disease under control, we could focus on other things again. I shared helpful tips, inspiring quotes with a bit more detail about how it related to my, then, current state of mind, and some lovely writing prompts. I was feeling productive.

Because of my work schedule, I was able to read, write, and do yoga nearly every day before I went in. I was feeling pretty good. Accomplished. It was somewhere in here that I had this mental shift. I remember it vividly, just not exactly when. Typical. But I had this moment of clarity – I was going to be productive. And I was.

And it continued on into the following year. It’s what led to the big decisions that have led us to where we are now. Life’s funny that way. Strange twists of fate and the like.

I wouldn’t be here, reflecting on all this, without your continued support and encouragement! Thank you for the time you spend with me! It has meant, and continues to mean, a great deal to me!

xx, Rach

Do y’all remember where we were three years ago? The height of a pandemic. Eesh. Those were some weird times.

Just before the big stand still, I remember The Sis and I discussed what we wanted to do next. We had been back in Vegas for about five years and we were ready to move on to the next adventure. We discussed where we’d like to live and decided, after a lot of research, on New Zealand. Yep. Overseas.

We’d always wanted to do it (still do), and we thought, why not?!

There ended up being two big why nots. One – our pups would have to be in quarantine for two weeks. Uh, no. The longest either of us had been away from them was five days. They were getting a bit older and I just couldn’t imagine it. That clinched it right then and there. But there was also number two – the cost. If we wanted to ship anything, it was going to cost a small fortune. If we chose to get rid of a bunch of our belongings, we’d still need a storage unit, and we had just bought a big new couch.

I had already opened an Etsy shop at this point, and all the research for that endeavor, plus the move, and I realized I hadn’t written a word in weeks (and weeks).

When the first choice for a new move didn’t pan out, a second option needed to be made which meant more research. That’s when we decided on the PNW.

The Pacific Northwest seemed idyllic, and I had a couple of friends who lived up there and loved it, so we made arrangements to stay with one and headed up in March for a visit and a little recon.

The first case of the virus was noted in a retirement home up there, remember? That was less than a week before we left. We drove around for a few days, and The Sis was smitten. She loved all the trees, the smell of the air, the whole vibe. I didn’t have the same reaction. Nevertheless, we decided to give it a try.

By the time we returned home, the state of things was quite a bit different.

Because of the uncertainty of the times, we were unable to move for nearly a year. I was paralyzed by the unknown and barely wrote a word that year. Just 19 posts (because there was a 5 month break in there) although my viewers went back up to 3k. Thank you, but ((sigh)).

We watched “bad” movies, nothing with any real substance, because it was a depressing time. People were out there being creative with all their free time and I remember being stuck in limbo. We couldn’t move, I didn’t want to write, and I had only a few months prior been inspired by AFF to quit my job.

What happened to the passion?

I had been given the gift of time, and I couldn’t take advantage of it. I relished the quiet time. The being at home. I am a Gen X baby, after all. We were built for the solitude, but it was everything else that seemed to affect me.

Then there was the politics.

That was a stressful time.

We discovered yoga and often times made the effort to do it together to encourage one another. The Sis and I realized that we found a new, different passion. Yoga helped us get through that year.

I also discovered the interesting perspective journaling offers. I learned a few things about myself by writing everyday for a month and then reviewing it to find patterns.

By October I was in a better frame of mind and shared 10 posts – woo hoo! ((insert eye roll) – a couple writing prompts and quotes, a flash fiction based on one of the prompts, a reflection of my time at the Austin Film Festival a year later, my movie watching list, and my hopes for Dragon Age 4 (still waiting).

The next move was on the horizon, a stressful endeavor regardless, and while the world was, well, still a bit of a mess, The Sis and I were about to discover there were more stressful times ahead.

What a year.

Thank you, all of you, for your continued support!

xx, Rach

As we arrive in the not so distant past, just four years ago, I’ve come to realize what a solace this space has become. While sometime I feel pressure to be clever and useful, this space has allowed me to often times, just be myself.

I appreciate you all for that.

There are so many sides to us. There are so many versions we have to shift between throughout the day. Some days are exhausting. It’s no wonder we need our alone time to reset.

Oh, how I relish the quiet.

Which, apparently, I didn’t get much of back then.

I was in full swing at the full time-all consuming job. That year I wrote even less…just 15 posts and my viewers had dropped to the 2k mark. Eesh.

I knew I wasn’t writing. I remember being rather unhappy about it. I didn’t feel creative, and the day/night job was sucking all my time and energy.

Looking back, I liked many aspects of the job…

but there were aspects that left much to be desired as well.

Amidst a number of incidents of being thrown under the bus by my boss, I decided to go to the Austin Film Festival and do something for myself and the career I actually wanted.

I attended my first screenwriting conference at AFF that year and it was an eye opening experience, and I still consider it one of the best things I ever did for myself. The second night, surrounded by all those amazing people talking “shop”, I had an epiphany. I had to quit my job.

I remember nearly sending an email right then and there. But I didn’t. I called The Sis and talked it out. I waited. I wanted to know if it was a fleeting thought, an impulse given the surroundings, but it wasn’t. And when I got home, I handed in my resignation.

It was like a weight had been lifted.

Who was to know what would be in store for all of us a few short months later…

Some things on the timeline are a blur, the bad memory and all, but there was a Dragon Age 4 teaser trailer to get excited about (although we’re still waiting…), I got pulled on stage by half naked men at a Thunder from Down Under show (oh, the embarrassment), I cut my hair again (the shortest it’s ever been), and I shared some goal setting tips.

I wish I could say I was in a better place, professionally, at this point, given the inspiration I found then, but it only feels now like things are finally coming together. Sheesh.

A BIG Thank You to all of you who have stuck with me through this long, winding journey. I appreciate you!

xx, Rach

And now we come to the mid point.

5 years.

The fun part of this experience, reflecting on my last 10 years of blogging, is actually looking back on what was happening in my life all those years ago. As the title of my blog suggests, I have a terrible memory, so going back and reading old posts has given me a chance to muse and contemplate and laugh…and maybe wince a little.

An interesting little tidbit I discovered – my writing voice hasn’t changed much in all these years. Huh.

So, after working for about a year in the deadbeat serving job where I utilized my great amounts of free time to write great amounts of fanfic, I got a much better job working for a country club. It was a good job. It allowed me to buy a new car, build a savings account, and get out of debt. I got into the banquet side of things and the money was even better.

Then they offered me a promotion.

And all my writing, blogging included, took a back seat.

That year my visitors fell to just below 3k. I wrote just 28 posts.

((sigh))

I hear the woman from Game of Thrones in my head. “Shame. Shame. Shame.”

The posts I shared on the writing side were limited, as I only wrote 28 in total that year. They were mostly relegated to quotes and writing prompts with the occasional flash fiction compilation from me. I think one or two other writers still were joining me then.

I just didn’t have the time. Normal business hours plus erratic banquet hours…I don’t know how I ever got anything done?

I suppose I didn’t.

On the personal side, The Sis and I got our sister tattoos. On a visit back to LA, my car was broken into and all our stuff was stolen. The people I worked with were ever so nice – they took up a collection of money and gift cards to help offset some of the cost to replace some of our things. I cried.

The Sis and I took our first official vacation in like 16 years. Aloha, Hawaii! We drank pina coladas for breakfast, mai tais for lunch, and just relaxed. We did a little sightseeing, but we were there to reset. And reset we did. That was a good time.

It’s been like six since, so maybe it’s time to plan something again…soon.

It’s amazing how the time flies – how some things change, and how some things stay the same. I look forward to remembering the last four years with you.

Thank you all for being a part of the journey!

xx, Rach

By my fourth year of blogging I was at the height of my “popularity”. I put that in quotes because compared to other bloggers, my numbers are still abysmal, but I was feeling pretty good – I was near 7k visitors and had 118 posts.

I had quit the strange content writing job and went back to waiting tables. I remember not being able to find a decent gig, and I had a ton of experience, but got in with a small local bar/restaurant that initially seemed okay. Looking back…I really didn’t like that place, but I did meet some nice people, occasionally. One of my fellow hash slingers actually got me a better job the following year, so silver linings.

I initially bounced between three locations all over town, but eventually got a permanent spot at one closer to home. It was sooo slow so often and I found myself standing around doing nothing, a lot. I found a post that mentioned I only had one table one night, sheesh, so I started writing fanfic. I remember writing a lot.

Because it was a gaming bar, there were cameras all over, but I found a blind spot that allowed me to see the door while I hid to write. It was easy to get into the story on a dime. They weren’t my characters, so I was able to come and go with the story if, by chance, I was interrupted. I remember coming to relish those quiet moments with my imaginary friends.

What a strange time.

Reading the posts I wrote back then, I’m reminded that I was on medication for my chronic pain that completely altered my personality. I went a few months without writing, reading, gaming, or watching anything. I was depressed and angry. Oh. That was rough.

I also cut off all my hair.

The two are not related. 😉

The Sis turned 30 that year and I wrote her a letter that still continues to get views – 5k+ and counting. The best friend got married and I shared a fairytale inspired writing prompt in her honor. I had the idea for the screenplay I’m currently doing research on, and later in the year I started posting what would become my most popular fanfic.

My pilot also advanced in one of the competitions I entered. When I got the news I was in an Uber on my way to the boring job and I cried happy tears. They made my driver uncomfortable, until I told him what they were for. That screenplay made it to the top 5 eventually.

That was a good day.

On the helpful side of things, I shared how to character build, a screenwriting concept checklist, and began consolidating all the best writing competitions for a one-stop shop.

An interesting year overall, to be sure.

Thank you for being along for the ride!

xx, Rach

By the third year, I should have felt like I had this blogging thing handled. I was still learning. I started WordPress’s Blogging 101 to learn more, I lost interest by lesson #2.

In my second year, I was trying to maintain an unattainable blogging schedule, so by the following year, I had already started to cut back, and keep my sanity.

I wrote 112 posts and my visitors grew exponentially – well over 5k. Nice.

The Sis and I had moved back to Vegas that year. We needed to get back on our feet. LA is a difficult city to navigate if you’re not prepared. We moved into a nice little house outside of town. We had plenty of room for me to have my own office, except my pups didn’t like me being upstairs (so weird, I know), so eventually I had to move my desk down so they could at least be near me while I worked.

I got a job…finally. Writing. Or so I thought. It was a content writer position, and it was not at all what I was expecting. It was not creative. It was tedious. And the company I worked for was shady and underhanded and ran the writer’s room like a sweat shop. I didn’t last 8 months.

I find myself surprised I was able to create anything for my blog in hindsight. That work sapped my creativity and I remember my hands were tired from the long hours of typing nonsense.

It was around this time that I said I was “happy with my script” (which I clearly was not because I am finally now happy with it…huh, I suppose happiness really is relative), and I entered it into one of the most prestigious screenwriting competitions. It did not do well.

I started research for my pilot, and generated so. many. ideas – three seasons worth – and yet I am still not happy with it. We’ll get there eventually.

I began sharing reviews, the writing prompts inspired people to share their own creations, and my blog felt like it was coming into its own.

Not to toot my own horn, but I found myself proud that I had been able to maintain my blog for so long. I was never able to keep a journal or diary for any length of time, so three years was quite the milestone for me.

And I was only at the start of it.

I’d like to shout out a BIG

to all of you for your support and encouragement. I wouldn’t be where I am today without it.

xx, Rach

My first year, WordPress says I published 49 posts. I had 142 visitors.

By Year Two I was on a roll. I had written 163 posts and had 1,655 visitors. I remember feeling accomplished that year. By that August, I had shared nearly 40 writing prompts.

Well, look at that. Nearly one a week. ((sigh))

I shared more tips, useful websites, and a little more about who I was and how I was becoming more comfortable with myself as a writer. I also shared the beginning of what would become my Dragon Age obsession.

It may be even worse now.

But I’m okay with that.

Side note, this is the image that started me down my fan fiction rabbit hole. –>

Do I regret the subsequent 200k+ words?

Nope. Not in the least.

That year I decided to be brave. I hadn’t read my work aloud since college, so one night in my writer’s group, I finally shared, and I was as nervous as I had been that first time in my screenwriting class. Surrounded by fellow writers, friends, my voice shook and I remember feeling fearful of their judgement, despite how supportive the environment was. I was worried they would find my writing inferior, even if they would never say such out loud, and the thing I love to do would be tainted.

I haven’t had the opportunity to have my work read aloud again since. At the Austin Film Festival a few years ago, I pitched my story, and whoo, still as nervous as ever. I’ve waited tables, bartended, worked in sales, and run huge events, and yet talking about my writing still has me shaking in my boots.

Hopefully, with more exposure, that will lessen in time.

One can only hope.

Year Two had me coming out of my shell. I was in my blogging groove, I was feeling productive, despite (still) not having a day job, and I was getting myself out “there” in the hopes it would lead me to the right connection.

It didn’t…but I was actively trying.

Looking back, that was a pretty good year, and some more of you have been joining me for all the ups and downs since.

Thank you!

xx, Rach

10 years.

I have been keeping a blog about writing, some times not so well, for 10 years.

When I got the notification, I’ll be honest, I had a not so happy reaction. While an achievement on my part, that’s some decent commitment, I was struck by how little had changed in all this time.

I am still writing the same things here all these years later. I’m still spouting positivity. I’m still cheering on the pursuit of following one’s dreams. All the while, not having made any inroads on my own career path.

And surprisingly, we’re back in California. How’s that for a bookend?

10 years ago, when I started this blog, it was because I hadn’t been able to find a (day) job for a year. I had sent out over 200 applications and only received 2 responses. I was depressed. I wasn’t writing. I was lost.

The Sis and I had a good talk then. We had moved to LA, mainly, for my writing, so if the job market wasn’t going to give me anything, then I make something for myself. She was making really good money at the time, and had already been supporting us in that uneventful/dreadful year, so she told me to start writing. That was my job.

It was a bitter pill to swallow, but I gave it a go.

I started attending networking events. I joined a writer’s group. I made writer friends. I started my blog. (Actually, now thinking on it, I started it elsewhere, I can’t remember where. This one came along a short time later.)

I was pretty clear from the beginning what I wanted my blog to be about. I never wanted to be on a soap box. I didn’t want to voice my opinions on things that weren’t related to writing (no matter how much I wanted to sometimes). I wanted this to be an encouraging environment. I wanted only notes of positivity and inspiration, because as I’ve said, at least a dozen times before, writing is a lonely, often times difficult road, and we should be supportive of one another.

That first year I offered a number of tips. I wanted writers to accept themselves and their work. I wanted to help them find inspiration, deal with rejection, be prepared for the path ahead, and discover opportunities. I wanted us all to be a little kinder to ourselves.

I still want ALL those things.

It’s hard to look back and realize how little I’ve advanced in my career. (Side note, thanks to The Sis for her supportive perspective – I have not actively pursued my dream job for a solid 10 years.) I’ve always wanted to be a writer, but only in the last few years have I become the writer I want to be. I actually have pride in a number of my stories, and yes, one of them is a work of fan fiction. I didn’t have that 10 years ago.

A decade is a big chunk of time. Just think of all the things that have happened since 2013. Crazy, right?!

There are some of you who have been with me since the beginning, and I can’t thank you enough for your support. I didn’t really know what I was doing all those years ago, but you stuck with me all the same. Even when I’m consistently inconsistent. Which is like all the time. I’m still kicking around here because of you, so, thanks!

And I hope to prove in the near future that it wasn’t in vain, so…

Happy 10th Blogging Anniversary to me. ((half cringing-crying-smiling)) 😉

xx, Rach