I’m going to ramble for a moment, so please bear with me while I vent.
In last week’s Writing Prompt post I mentioned how I was struggling with choices. Before the end of the year, I was doing some hard thinking about plans for the future. The Sis and I moved back to Las Vegas a little over a year ago for a number of reasons, one being that she finish her undergrad and then we move on. Unfortunately, she has now found a job she truly enjoys, she’s making friends, and getting herself together. She’s currently taking the semester off.
It seems unfair to uproot yet again, but I don’t want to stay here. I don’t like Vegas. Never have. I’m tired of moving…we’ve moved so. many. times, but I want to find a place to call “home”. I’ve only felt that sense of home once, when I traveled to England for the first time. I felt it before we even landed. That’s when the obsession began. And, that’s what I’m looking for. As much as I’d like to do a final move across the sea, there’s just no way that’s even remotely possible in my current state.
So here’s “the thing”, the thing that’s been lingering at the back of my mind, the thing I never want to say out loud. I want to be a screenwriter, but all screenwriters know it takes at least 5 years to make any headway (once you legitimately hit the pavement – so I still have about 4 years), and I don’t want to flounder in this state, without purpose, without direction, for upwards of 5 or more years. I don’t want to hold down a menial job that I loathe until things work out. Yes, I’m still trying to remain positive, hence the lack of the dangerous “if”.
I want a job I enjoy. I want to buy a house. I want to plan for the future but I feel as if I’m destined to remain in this perpetual state of limbo. It all comes back around to choices. I’ve made choices that have led me to where I am, but I’m finding it difficult to make choices that will encourage change…in part because I don’t know where to begin.
Do I suck it up and make it work where I am, or do I continue to seek out that thing that I know is out there? How does one move forward when they’re kind of stuck due to obligation and circumstance? How do people get their act together?
Any advice from fellow creatives would be greatly appreciated. How do you make it work, find balance, and stay sane?