Finding Your Writing Voice

TypewriterFontWriterI hate, that as screenwriters, we are often told that our first screenplay is rubbish.  No one ever says that about a first time novelist. (Although, obviously, there are exceptions to that rule in either case.)  It’s an infuriating statement.  I’ve been writing something since I was eight, of course, that was all rubbish and I had no idea what I was doing, but when I wrote my first screenplay in college, I was in love.  That’s when everything changed.

Now, the premise of that screenplay has sort of remained through subsequent drafts, but it has seen a major overhaul of story and characters a number of times.  So yes, that first screenplay was terrible in comparison, and I would never have considered sending it out, but I don’t believe that’s what “they’re” talking about.

Regardless of how many revisions a screenplay has seen, I think “they”, the elusive industry people, believe that a first screenplay is just a starting point.  They don’t believe we have found our voice, learned enough about structure and pacing, and all the other technical screenwriting terms we’re supposed to know because writing a screenplay is nothing like writing a novel*.

*I’m currently reading Hemingway’s A Farewell to Arms.  Gracious.  If a screenwriter wrote like that, we’d be blacklisted.  For those who have read it, you know what I mean, for those who haven’t, eek, it’s a tough read.

As a screenwriter, I have not focused on any other writing styles as part of my portfolio or tried my hand at being a freelancer.  I wouldn’t even know where to begin.  Whenever I tell someone I’m a screenwriter, the next words out of their mouth are almost always in regards to having anything published.  Nope.  I don’t write the kind of stuff that can easily be published, anywhere.  And then I feel like a failure.  Although, in all fairness, I’m not going to hone my screenwriting skills writing an article on cats, or what-have-you.

Reading Stephen King’s On Writing didn’t help morale either. (Now, I learned years ago not to compare myself to others, not in writing or in success, but, and this is a BIG “but”, he currently has 50 titles to his credit, in addition to so many other things while I’m sitting proudly behind my 4 1/2 full length features, which I round up to 5 to sound better and the immense TV show floating around in my head.  Ugh.)  He started writing when he was a kid too, influenced in a completely different way than I was.  Where he enjoyed the horror movies of the 50s, I was drawn to princess stories and the fantasy films of the 80s.  He was encouraged to create his own stories, but honestly, I don’t remember having that same sort of support.  Here’s that discrepant part of my memory.  I don’t remember really sharing anything I had written until my senior year in high school when I took a creative writing class.  That was the first time I had ever read my words aloud, and although the feedback was positive, I didn’t feel compelled to send my work out.  Again, I didn’t even know where to begin.

I continued to write in the privacy of my room, taking a variety of English classes, playwriting, and creative classes along the way, but nothing satisfied the way screenwriting did, and I wouldn’t find that for many years.  I remember I wrote this one-act play that my teacher loved.  She said I should have it put on by this theater group that performed at a coffee bar across from the university.  I never pursued it.

It was these early mistakes that I think stunted my growth as a writer.  Without proper encouragement, I was left flailing – never to develop my voice, never to see my work in print or on stage, never to pursue a career with any fervor.  Now here I am, all these years later, finally getting it together.

So, here’s the point.

If you truly want to be a writer, you have to work at it.  That’s how we develop our voice.  We have to read.  We have to write.  Everyday.  This has been reiterated by every writer throughout history.  And it is absolutely true.  I am not the same writer I was when I was 8, at least I hope not.  I’m not even the same writer I was in my 20s, and that is due to exposure.  When we are exposed to other voices and styles, we see what we like, what we don’t, what works, what doesn’t (at least for us), and that makes us better writers by adding to our toolbox.  Another lesson from On Writing.

It is through trial and error that we develop our writer’s voice.  We have to practice everyday.  Find new ways to explore our voice.  That’s why I started writing the flash fiction pieces, and the fan fiction, for that matter.  This blog has helped me tremendously as well.  I thought that if it wasn’t screenwriting, it didn’t matter.  How wrong I was.

Don’t make my mistakes.  Let my errors be a lesson or a cautionary tale.  Find avenues to get your work out there.  Attain feedback.  Find a writers group.  Find a beta reader.  You can be your own cheerleader, most of the time we have to be anyway, but find someone who will encourage you.  You may already have this person in your life, or maybe they’re a friend waiting to be made in a writers group.  They don’t have to be a writer, but only other writers understand the life.  It’s tough, it’s lonely, and often thankless, but we do it for the love.

We love to tell stories, and hopefully one day, others will love reading them.  As for that first screenplay, I’m still going to send it out.  I love it…now.  It doesn’t remotely resemble the first version all those years ago in Screenwriting 102, and that is in part because I have written and rewritten and written some more, not nearly as much as I should have by now, but I like my current voice and style, and that is reflected in it’s most recent rewrite.

Although in the real world, by which I mean Hollywood, I would not be allowed to keep rewriting my script 10+ years later.  Oh my gods, if someone doesn’t buy it soon, I’ll be known as the George Lucas of rewrites. 😉

If you ever need an encouraging word, you know where to find me.  Wishing you all the very best!

2016 Screenwriting Contests

HelpfulTipsI try to keep the Deadline section of my own blog up-to-date to help those looking for current contest information a place to find it, but someone else has already done that for me for the new year.

Stephanie Palmer of Good in a Room has released a list of the 10 noteworthy screenwriting competitions in one place, here.

If you’ve been thinking that this is the year to enter a contest, these are the ones that have cache.  Write them down on your calendar, post them next to your computer for encouragement, and make this the year that you follow your dreams!  Also, take note that some of the deadlines are already fast approaching, so don’t delay if you want to be a part of them.

And if you’re not already following Good in a Room, put yourself on her list.  You’ll receive helpful tips and advice via email, and that’s invaluable for us novices.  Wishing you all the best of luck!

Quote of the Week

 

Time was not on my side yesterday.  I picked up an extra shift, and then came home exhausted.  I could not keep my eyes open.  I didn’t read, I didn’t write, I didn’t walk my dogs.  It’s those kind of days that make me think, “I just wasted what I was given”, and I have done enough of that already.

Moving forward, I’m trying to do things differently.  I’ve set myself up with new goals and a new schedule that were designed to help me accomplish more, and so far, I’ve been pretty good.  Yesterday was a random exception, or so I’m calling it.  I’ve finished reading my first book of the year (YAY!) and I’m about a third of the way through writing the sci-fi/space pilot script (another YAY!).

One of my other goals is to stop playing it safe.  I was driving around the other day thinking about my life and my writing and the predominate thought was, “I don’t want my work to never leave the hard drive”.  I want to leave my mark, and in order to do that I have to leave my writing comfort zone.  I have to take bigger risks in my storytelling.  That’s what will make it worth it.  That’s one of the reasons I tried my hand at that mature content in my Dragon Age fanfic.  Escape from the ordinary, I guess.  *Side note, Stephen King’s On Writing has been inspirational.  If you haven’t read it yet, put it on your list.  I highly recommend it.

And so I put forth the following quote:

“We all die.  The goal isn’t to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.” – Chuck Palahniuk

Be brave, my friends!  Happy Writing!

Also, I was thinking of the passing of David Bowie quite a bit, and this quote feels quite apropos.  RIP.

Fandom

fandomIt’s easier to be a fan nowadays, easier than it was when I was a kid.  Gracious, I sound like an old woman, reminiscing, or rather complaining, about the ol’ days.  The internet has made it easier to find alternate avenues to explore, groups to join, and art and fanfiction to continue to grow our devotion.

When I was growing up, we didn’t have fandoms, we just liked something.  We were fans, but we didn’t have nicknames for what we aligned ourselves with.  If we had, I guess I would have been a Smurfette, or maybe a witch (Bewitched), perhaps Wonder Woman’s younger sister, or even a gelfling (The Dark Crystal).  I’ve always been a princess.

Now there are Browncoats (Firefly), Loki’s Army, and SuperWhoLocks (the trifecta – Supernatural/Doctor Who/Sherlock), among so many others.  We now refer to ourselves as Cumbercookies (Benedict Cumberbatch fans) and Whedonites (Joss Whedon supporters).  As I’ve discovered myself drawn to new fandoms with more fervor, it’s made me think: How do fandoms choose us?

Dragon Age to me is what Star Wars is to The Sis (she’s a Sith, by the way).  I loved Star Wars growing up.  I had an X-Wing (which was sold at some point in my youth at a garage sale much to The Sis’s disappointment), dressed as Princess Leia on multiple occasions, am pretty sure Han Solo was my first crush,  and it will always hold a special place in my heart, but I don’t feel the same way about it anymore.  Maybe it’s because while I was growing up, I didn’t have those alternate avenues to explore; those resources to fan the flames of my devotion.  Don’t get me wrong, I still get that sense of awe when I hear the Imperial March, and I welled up during the opening credits of The Force Awakens, but maybe it’s because it’s always been a part of my life that I take it a bit for granted.

The Sis, on the other hand, is a walking encyclopedia of Star Wars information.  For a speech in her communications class, she was deemed an authority by which she could use herself as a source due to her knowledge.  She IS a Star Wars fan.

ObsessingOverFictionalCharactersDragon Age, Captain America, and Doctor Who are all newer to me and I love them all individually for their uniqueness and ability to draw me in, and am thankful for all the ways I can explore these worlds more fully. Dragon Age is medieval and fantasy combined – a true favorite of mine – and why I love Game of Thrones as well.  Captain America is a man out of time with a great sense of self-sacrifice to do the right thing, while rarely thinking himself worthy.  Gotta love a do-gooder.  This is why I’m on his side for Civil War.  And then there was Doctor Who.  Hmm…what was it exactly that drew me in?  Maybe it’s the ability to mix a laugh while simultaneously breaking your heart in the same breath.  Maybe it’s that the Doctor is so alone in the universe and you just want to hug him.  It could also be the show allows one to travel in time and space, so there are a number of worlds and people to explore and meet, and he’s always so happy to do so.  The perfect traveling companion.

I’ve been reading Stephen King’s On Writing and he was greatly inspired by 50s horror movies and stories, and that is what influenced his work.  I think the types of stories we’re exposed to as kids leave a big mark.  I was raised in the 80s with Disney princesses, Roald Dahl, and the dark stories of Jim Henson’s puppetry genius.  I am drawn to characters that want to do the right thing, that have an opportunity to go on a great adventure while falling in love and defeating some larger than life villain.  Pretty much sums up all those fandoms I’m invested in, and the types of stories I write too. I think this is how a fandom chooses us -it speaks to us on some deeper level.

While the internet has created a great divide in human interaction in general, it has also allowed people who have felt isolated to find others like-minded in their devotion easier.  When someone recognizes the gaming symbol on your shirt, there is an instant connection.  When some random salesperson overhears and understands your fandom reference, we feel a kinship, and that is what this new world of fandom has created: a network of allies.  The Sis and I made a new friend at a Supernatural con because she had a Star Wars tattoo on the back of her neck and it instigated a conversation that led us to finding a soul sister.  Thank you, fandom world.

join-a-fandom-and-die-with-feelsI have friends who don’t have a fandom, and I think, how boring is your life?!  What do you have to look forward to?  This new sphere has opened up a number of opportunities is which we don’t have to hide our love for a fictional character or world.  We are now free to openly celebrate what makes us geeks.  That is a great thing.

Of course, there are stories of fan-hating at cons and on the internet, but trolls will be trolls, and as in real life, we can’t control what others think of us, and it’s none of our business anyway.  Eff ’em!  Do what makes you happy and love your fandom.

If you’re in need of some recommendations for a fandom, I’d be happy to help you find one!  After all, who knows what kind of friends you’ll meet; interesting, creative, clever, devoted, good people.  I have a bunch I’ve never even met in person, but our fandoms united us and allowed friendships to grow.  Now we support each other in all our endeavors, not just the geeky ones.

Also, becoming invested in a fictional world can help you in your own writing.  You may be exposed to new ideas and beliefs.  A variety of characters with subtle nuances and habits can help you with your own character toolbox.  Role playing games have you make decisions that effect the world around you, and having that sort of decisive mindset may help make a difficult decision in your own story.  Expansive gaming worlds, like the Marvel universe, have a great way of connecting a number of storylines and characters, and if you’re building your own world, it may help you connect those dots.  I’ve found resolutions or ways to make my worlds better because of my fandoms.  Maybe you can too.

So, who do you align yourself with?

Starting the New Year Right

2016I once read this quote-like thing that said something about: how you choose to spend the first day of the new year is a good measuring stick for the rest of the year.  Or something to that effect.

The first day of a new year is not a magical reset button, but it is a good jumping off point, especially now that so many other obligations are behind us.  And thinking about how that one day of activity might influence the remaining 364 days is kind of scary…although I did happen to start my pilot last night around 12:30 for good measure. 😉

A blank slate sits before us.

As you’ve learned, I don’t like resolutions, but there are a few things I would like to do this year, things that keep getting pushed to the sidelines, such as:

  1. I’d like to get my screenwriting portfolio in order…finally.  I want Hollywood to not know what hit ’em.  Which means getting my writing space in order again: buying a desk chair, plastering my wall with my goals, setting deadlines and keeping them, finding ways to get my writing out into the world, etc.
  2. I’d like to learn to sew in order to make my first cosplay outfit.  You guessed it, something Dragon Age related.  I have such a good idea, well, I think so.  I’d draw you a picture, except that was one of my plans for last year, to learn to draw, and of course it never happened.  Maybe this year.
  3. I’d like to travel somewhere new.  It’s been a long time since I’ve had an actual vacation.
  4. I’d like to read more.  I’ve been horrible about this recently, except in regards to fanfiction, which is just fun.  I have one of those lists of the books everyone should read, and well, there are a lot left.

There are of course the things like lose 10 lbs and clear out the junk in the garage and find a new job, blah blah blah, but those always seem to be in rotation.

So if you’d like to not jinx the rest of the year, do something today that you’ll thank yourself for later.  Kidding!

Happy New Year, my friends!  Dream Big and let’s make this year Fantastic!

Happy New Year

BigBenNewYear

As another year draws to a close, we tend to look back and reflect on all that occurred with a mixture of pleasure and regret.  The only thing we can do is look to the future and make it better.

Set goals for this new year and reach for your dreams!

I want to thank you all for your continued support this year and look forward to sharing a whole new year with you!  I wish you all a very safe and Happy New Year!

xo, Rach

Merry Christmas

xmastree

Wishing you all a wonderful holiday season!  It’s Christmas here, but it doesn’t really feel like it, despite all the decorations.  Maybe it’s the lack of snow, or that on Christmas Eve I watched Ant-man (which I’ll talk about later).  It’s my favorite holiday, in part, because of the decor – lights, snowflakes, Jack Skellington, and Mickey Mouse head shaped ornaments.

Both The Sis and I are working today, that could be another reason.  No champagne brunch, which is our tradition.  Ah, well.  A downfall of being an adult, I suppose.  We’ll find another day to celebrate.  Enjoy your time with family and friends and have a drink for me. 🙂

If you were wondering what I would like for Christmas, I found this.  I’ll take a dozen, please and thank you.  Kidding.  Although can you imagine…it’s not weird at all.

Be merry, my friends!

Dragon Age Fanfic Update

DA-MageI’ve been updating my Dragon Age fanfic weekly over at AO3 (Archive of Our Own) and because I was initially sharing my writing here, I felt a little careless that I had ignored the updating here as well.

I write under a pseudonym on the AO3 because I wasn’t sure of what kind of writing I was going to explore through this avenue, and this may sound odd, but I thought I might be embarrassed.

Truth is, I really enjoy writing this story, and I have written a “mature” chapter (or two) which involves a little smut.  I like that word.  It’s totally tame, especially compared to some of the stories I’ve read on the site, but it was something I wanted to challenge myself to write.  There’s a first time for everything, right?!

I will not be posting the more mature chapters here, but will share the link when they go up, as you have to choose acceptance for such content before continuing on the site.  That’s for any of you minors out there.  😉

I appreciate your continued support, and would love your feedback when we get to those racier scenes as it’s so different and new for me, but until then, enjoy Chapter Two of Redcliffe and The Circle.

~

The village had been under siege for days from a horde of undead from the castle, and the lad had been on lookout duty awaiting reinforcements, as they were ill prepared to survive another attack.  The people had taken refuge in the Chantry, hence the silence.  We followed the path that twisted down the hillside past the windmill, as the boy tried to catch his breath amidst prayers and thanks.

The heart of the village had been built on stilts and it rose slightly above Lake Calenhad. I do not know why I found this odd. Perhaps because I could not understand how it was defensible? I found that having that idea was odd as well. The silence had been deceiving. From a distance the village seemed almost abandoned, but there was a great amount of noise coming from the Chantry, and we were informed that the leaders of the town could be found within.

Villagers and soldiers moved quietly about, looking beleaguered and downtrodden after many days of turmoil.  The few knights present seemed to be gathering supplies and organizing what they could in preparation for yet another onslaught.  A small training area was filled with young, inept men, and it was clear that if they were going to survive the night, they would need help.

The doors to the Chantry were heavy, probably reinforced, which was good, and took a little effort to open. The stench of fear was palpable. The villagers were like refugees in their own town, huddled together, praying for mercy.  I overheard conversations of plans to leave the area, traveling to destinations outside Ferelden in the hopes they might outrun the evils here and the Blight.  I heard mention of Kirkwall, a city across the Waking Sea that was taking in refugees, and it reiterated to me that no matter what, we had to succeed.

The moment that thought settled in my mind, I shivered.  “No matter what” was a broad phrase with many meanings, but how many dire circumstances could one country survive?  An undead army was on the march in Redcliffe, the Brecilian Forest had had werewolves, darkspawn were scorching the earth in droves with an archdemon at their backs, and civil war was tearing us apart at the seams. Then there were the other facts, such as the king was dead, the Wardens betrayed, and there were only five people (and a trusty mabari) trying to unite all the inhabitants of Ferelden against the Blight.

A man stood in the center of a small group of soldiers and Templars, clearly the one in charge. When the men disbanded, I saw him rub his face in exhaustion and frustration – the burden of responsibility. We could sympathize.

His name was Teagan, the brother of the Arl, and he remembered Alistair as a boy.  His appearance softened, and he greeted us warmly, even referring to me as “my lady”.  I was relieved that he bore mages no ill will, despite the magical nature of the attacks. He even made a remark about my beauty to which I could not help but blush.  He was sly in his flirtation, and I was compelled to return the compliment. I was unsure how Alistair might respond, but it was all so new and unfamiliar, and honestly, it was harmless. I was starting to feel more like a woman, and less like a thing…it was nice to discover there was a distinction.

We learned from Bann Teagan that the castle had been inaccessible for days, and no one had been heard from, including the Arl and his family.  He had been duty bound to protect the village and its people, but with many of the castle’s soldiers scattered in search of a cure for the Arl’s strange illness, they were unprepared and incapable of doing more than riding out the storm behind the Chantry’s walls.

We took it upon ourselves to do what we could to help the situation by recruiting those in the village who had abilities to lend.  In our efforts we discovered an elven spy, who, after some persuading, offered us Loghain’s name as his contractor.  That man had his claws dug deeply into every region; playing a game we knew nothing about.

I knew very little of the politics outside the Circle, we had our own, but from what I understood the Arl was a powerful man with a swaying voice in the political circles.  This was one of the reasons Alistair suggested we seek him out. He would be a strong ally against Loghain, and that was something we desperately needed.  Obviously, this is why he had been singled out with hostile intent, so he couldn’t offer us his help or stand against Loghain. Rescuing him now seemed a priority, and in order to reach him we would have to defeat this current threat.

Night fell, and what came with it was something I could barely believe.

My time in the Circle was a time of study. We were taught about demons and spirits and the dangers of blood magic, but for the most part, it was clinical, with the exception of the Harrowing.  The Fade was an elusive entity, almost beyond study.  The ever-present threat of possession and the possibility of becoming an abomination were always at the back of a mage’s mind, but within the Circle walls, for the most part, these things were just ideas. We, as mages, had little experience with fighting, let alone actually defending ourselves against a legitimate threat.

I’ll never forget that moment I saw my first darkspawn in the Kocari Wilds.  My stomach sank, and with it my heart, that something so truly horrific could exist. They were beings of anger and hatred, with no other sense then to fight and kill.  They had no language beyond the garbled noises they made, and yet they could unite and strike in formation, leaving death and devastation in their wake. They scorched the very earth and left twisted remnants of themselves behind as reminders to those lucky enough to survive, that true evil existed and was living among them. Or below them, as it were.

I learned quickly that they were almost as frail as any mortal, as they were made of flesh and bone just as we were, so when I got my first glimpse of the creatures that now stormed towards us from the castle, I almost felt a sense of relief.  They were half skeleton beings with fleshy remains that hung like ribbons from various body parts.  Some wore bits of armor and carried weapons and shields, but they appeared fragile in their bony state.

They descended upon us in a cloud of bright green magic, and as I struck them, I realized their frail state was merely an illusion. The magic that bound them was powerful, and it took more effort than I could have imagined to defeat them.  Wave upon wave of the undead came from multiple directions, and for some time, I feared it may be never ending, but in the end we were victorious, but not without a few close calls.

Alistair, Sten, and Keiko had run into the thick of battle, and there were a couple of times when I saw them nearly surrounded and a panic and fear I had never felt before crept in.  I would yell out commands to both Morrigan and Leliana and somehow we were able to hold back the impending doom that seemed inevitable. This would be one of those arguments for why it was best to avoid personal connections within ranks – impaired judgment – something I would deliberate over when I was alone.

I sent out healing magic when I saw each of them wane in strength or stamina, and I was overcome with relief when the last of the corpses were struck down with no others on the horizon.

The Circle had definitely not prepared me for this.

We reunited in the main square and I looked everyone over in case they needed additional healing, but other than being exhausted from battle, everyone was miraculously unharmed save a few minor cuts and bruises. I made a mental note to remember to ask the First Enchanter for more training in spells that would be useful in protecting my companions amidst battle when we traveled to the Circle for aid. Maybe even Morrigan could teach me a few new tricks.  I would ask her when we were next in camp.  For now, we had to plan our next move.

~

Fanfiction Madness Continues…

Origins-WardenShieldYou may be wondering, “Why are you wasting your time with fanfiction writing?” And I would respond with a blank stare, before I started stumbling around for a way to make you understand.  People who are “fans” of something, and I mean devoted fans, get it right away, for others it takes a little more persuading.  Plus, I’m hoping the creators of the Dragon Age series will find me and offer me a job.  😉

Until a couple of years ago, I had no idea what fanfiction was.  Surprising, right?!  I had written an episode of the TV show Alias in college, but that was to build up my portfolio and to learn to emulate an existing voice, I never thought of it as fan fiction, although that is exactly what it was.  I was taking characters someone else had created and I wrote my own story.  I’ve been planning on writing a post on fandom, and this sort of ties into it, because there is no telling what will strike a chord in you.

Dragon Age to me is what Star Wars is to The Sis.  I’ll expand more on this in the other post.  As a fantasy enthusiast in a first person game, it’s easy to get swept up into the adventure and romance.  Not all my friends like fantasy and sci-fi so they may not understand, but how does one not want to be chosen to save the world, wield magic, create unlikely alliances, and find romance with a powerful witch or a sassy assassin or a sweet warrior?!  Well, I guess non-fantasy people.

Anyway…the other side of this coin is that as a writer, you have a fully flushed out world with fully realized characters, and there’s no pressure, it’s just fun to explore.  I love to write, it’s what I want to do, but as writers we place so much pressure on ourselves to get it “right” that we often lose the spark, especially when we’re still considered novices.  We don’t have anyone waiting for our next great piece, we don’t have fans coming to us in droves wondering what happens next…((pouts))

I’ve been doing a lot of this fanfic writing while at my serving job, because I often have long spaces of time with nothing to do.  I can come and go in this story without feeling any loss of momentum, or having to get in the right frame of mind, and at least I’m writing something – and I really like it.  To think about characters I have come to know in situations not previously explored is just fun.  Which brings me to my next installment in the Dragon Age story.  I hope you like it.  If you want to see where the madness began, with a writing prompt image, click here.

RedcliffeVillage

Redcliffe Village

The village of Redcliffe was famous for its hilltop windmill, and after hearing about it for years from the Templars who traveled Ferelden in search of what they considered uncontrolled magic; I was excited to finally see the twirling sails for myself. What I was not excited about was the eerie silence of the village that followed. As a Circle mage, my life was limited to the walls of the tower; silence was my old friend. Approaching a place that should be bustling with life, only to find it quiet, was to put it mildly, unsettling – as was the conversation with Alistair before we moved any further.

He asked to speak to me alone for which I received some knowing looks from the rest of the party who continued forward, allowing us some privacy. I was immediately tense. I found it easy to continue to maintain my distance from Alistair while on our journey, and although done purposefully, I hadn’t thought he had noticed. The events in the cave, the magnitude of what lay ahead of us, in addition to my irrational thoughts about a nonexistent relationship weighed heavily upon me, and I felt it best to recapture my level-headedness, through distance.

The Circle, although full of people, allowed each of us a great amount of time to find solitude, especially as we grew older. As children, there were always elders to watch over us, but even as a child I remember keeping my distance from the others; the bitter taste of betrayal from my family lingered for some time. Being sent to a strange place, to be treated like a dangerous object, to never be free…I didn’t know that was what lay in store for me when the Templars came for me, but my parents had.

But I digress. I know I had grown quiet since leaving the Brecilian Forest, but it was a habit, a coping mechanism, or whatever you want to call it, because retreating to the safety of my own mind was where I found comfort. I had not intended it to be alienating, especially to my companions, and I said as much when Alistair asked if I was all right.

I was also troubled by how the world suffered. Being locked away, sheltered, I only had the smallest of insights into what everyone else had to deal with on a regular basis. So far, each time we traveled somewhere new there was a new threat. The darkspawn were a recent development, but villagers had to deal with civil war and in-fighting, dragon attacks, bad crops, bandits, and so much more while trying to raise a family and just live their lives. The Dalish had been dealing with werewolves and were continually on the move due to a variety of fears and threats.

The mages only had the Templars to worry about, and the constant fear of possession, and the threat of tranquility – our world was contained, limited. So much more could happen on the outside, and I found it oddly thrilling. When Duncan recruited me, I had no idea what he was truly offering me…I’m not sure if he knew either, but what he had done was open the world to me…and then there was Alistair.

Not only did he want to talk about me and my well being since the cave, he bombarded me with news so surprising I was left literally speechless. As if our challenges weren’t already great, he shared with me that he was the bastard half-brother of the late king, making him the last in the Theirin bloodline.

I can only imagine the look I had upon my face, because he had to stifle a laugh. He shifted uncomfortably under my scrutiny as I tried to make sense of what this meant. Not only did this completely change him in my eyes, it affected our entire mission. Maker’s Breath! He could be the next king and he was wandering the countryside, killing darkspawn…I wondered if Loghain knew, which of course he did. As Maric’s former friend and advisor, I was sure he was privy to any number of the old king’s secrets.

Alistair assured me that this changed nothing, that he was devoted to our cause and the Grey Wardens, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was the beginning of something so much bigger. The Arl of Redcliffe would know what to do. Our only hope was that he had recovered from whatever strange illness he had contracted.

I joked with Alistair about being a prince and the look of horror that dawned was one of the funniest things I had ever witnessed.

And then it happened– closure, or what I hoped it would become. His confession was what I needed to regain that perspective I was so in need of, and I got it (although I soon discovered it was to be short lived). The decision had been made for me, and for a moment my heart ached at the loss. I swallowed hard, and with it, the intention of burying my growing feelings. I suppose Morrigan’s suggestion offered us at least a chance at something, a connection, but it rang hollow now. It always had.

There would be many who would want to utilize this information to their own benefit, even if he chose to remain a Warden, his name would always hold sway, and should he become king, I was a mage. He could also be considered a threat to those political factions vying for the throne for their own purposes, and a target for anyone wishing to exploit such a connection. We would have to do what we could to conceal this knowledge.

I stared at him for a moment, longer than I intended, as I tried to wrap my head around the idea of him becoming king. He was a strong and brave warrior, but there was a vulnerability about him, something Morrigan disliked in him, which of course I found endearing. He would need to be protected, and although I disliked the idea of telling all our companions, we had to watch over him. He could not be allowed to charge into the fray, or take unnecessary risk, although I would never tell him that.

We had speculated that we were probably the last two Grey Wardens in Ferelden, but now knowing that he was also the last in a royal line…and I thought we had problems before.

~

This post got really long, so if you’d like to read the rest of the chapter, you can find it here.

Have a great weekend!

Quote Monday

Last week passed in a blur of work, Thanksgiving prep, and hanging with family and friends.  I hope those of you who celebrate the holiday enjoyed yourselves and found a number of reasons to be thankful.

I am thankful to The Sis for being my roommate all these years because we have a lot of fun together.  As we cooked dinner, drinking champagne, and dancing and singing around the kitchen, I was reminded of the holidays of my childhood when my family would argue and the occasion would be filled with stress and anger.  I’m thankful those days are behind me.

There are those who don’t understand how we can still live together, that we don’t desire our own lives, or whatever, but instead of living with just a friend or even a stranger, we have decided to stick it out together, maybe that makes us weird, but…

WhateverMakesYouWeird

She supports me, she gets me, she encourages my creativity, indulges my obsessions, and that is why having her in my corner is one of my greatest assets (and allows me to be confidently weird in lots of other ways).

What makes you weird?