The Not-So-Impending Birthday Blues


My birthday is in three days.


Ever since my 30th birthday, back in two-thousand and something or other, I’ve had a sort of distant, disinterested relationship with the celebration of my birth.  Honestly, there are a few people who chose to ruin the day versus letting it pass and ruining the following day, so after a few slights, I stopped looking forward to them.

They haven’t all been bad though.

And the last year, despite some rough spots, was pretty good overall, and even though the number associated with this year’s birthday is a strange number to admit to (like, I can’t really be this old, right?!), I’ve realized a few things that really only come with age.

  1. I don’t care if everyone likes me.
    • It used to bother me if I learned there was someone who didn’t like me.  Why? Because I’m a sweet princess, and what’s not to like? 😉  Then it was my goal to make them like me. That was then.  This is now.  There’s a woman at work, who thankfully, I don’t see very often.  She likes to be nice to my face and then talk a whole lotta nonsense behind my back.  And I’m not her only target.  She’s about 50, and I find this kind of behavior juvenile.  I say good morning when I see her, half the time she ignores me.  Fine.  Whatever.  I’m not going to stop being nice because she’s clearly petty and jealous.  Before I would have gone out of my way to win her favor, and now, I’ve realized some people just don’t deserve that kind of attention.  It’s a waste of my time, which is precious the older I get, and the refreshing thing is, it really doesn’t bother me.  What an odd thing to discover.
  2. I’m comfortable in my own skin.
    • While I feel I have a few pounds to shave off – I mean, almost everyone I know feels this way – I’m comfortable with who I am.  I’m 6′ tall, and I’m currently about 170 lbs.  Even when I was working out last year fairly consistently, the scale didn’t change.  Of course the distribution did, but I realized, like my age, it’s just a number.  I’ll never get back to my high school volleyball playing days, and I’ve accepted that.  Am I still holding on to that one pair of pants I’m striving to fit back into?  Uh, yeah.  Everyone woman I know has that pair, but I think we’re all hanging on to them out of some twisted sense of nostalgia.
  3. I let my geek flag fly.
    • I don’t think I was ever embarrassed to admit the nerdy or geeky things I liked as a kid (kids are fairly shameless, after all), but as with the natural progression from child to teen, the desire to fit in with the people whose opinions wouldn’t matter the moment we took that first step in the graduation processional seemed rather important in those early days.  Then geek became cool, a sort of badge of honor, and joining a fandom became an open door to making the kind of friends who not only understand you, but are the kind of friends you make for life.  Star Wars aside, saying you play video games or want to cosplay will draw out the kind of people you want to know.  Well, that is, if that’s your cup of tea.  I proudly admit to writing fan fiction and getting a geek tattoo with The Sis, and because I’m comfortable in my own skin and I don’t care what people think, I’m not embarrassed to admit to much anymore.
  4. I’m happy on my own.
    • I always thought, and intended, to get married and have a family.  It’s what you’re “supposed” to do.  But I was never fond of the whole dating thing.  And the older I got, the less inclined I was to follow in such a tradition.  Then, when I was about thirty, the man I was dating at the time, yes, one in the same who ruined my birthday, and I had a pregnancy scare.  As the title of my blog suggests, I have a terrible memory, but I remember that moment clearly, as if it happened last week. 😉  It was an eye-opening experience, to say the least.  I was turned
      off to the whole relationship idea for years after; he was not a nice human being.  And then I got to a point where I had built a life I enjoyed, and knew it would take a special kind of person for me to want to mHiddles Bdayake room for them, and as of this post, I have yet to meet such a one.  (Except you, Hiddles.  I’d give up…hmm…well, we’ll have to talk about it. ;P)  Besides, two of my beloved icons, Elizabeth I and Jane Austen, never married.  Everyone still wants to set me up, but it’s nice that the stigma of the “spinster” has gone out the window and people accept me for the happy single I am.

So what does all this rambling mean?

Getting older has its benefits, and it’s a gift not afforded to everyone.

So, I’m not not looking forward to my birthday this year, in fact, I think I’ll do my best to embrace it.  There’s a lot to look forward to because I have BIG plans this year!

Ramble over.

xx, Rach

p.s. Thanks for being along for the journey!


Happy Birthday, Boobookins

With the arrival of the Leap Year, we get to officially celebrate the birthdays of our furkids who are 4 today.


As rescues, from the same litter, we weren’t sure what they were going to grow up to be. We call them Chiweenies.  They are hilarious little monsters with lots of personality who have maintained the appearance of perma-puppies – they’re both under 10 lbs.  Loki and Phoebe, aka Chicken and Sausage, are among the best things to ever happen to me, and to feel that unconditional love is one of the great pleasures in life.

Happy Birthday, my little lovebugs!

My little dog – a heartbeat at my feet.  Edith Wharton

It’s My Party…

Hiddles BdayI can’t believe it’s been a year since I wrote my post about being 40.  Gasp.

*Today I’m not quite sure what I’d like to talk about.  I’m not really in reflection mode.  I wasn’t dreading this birthday, but I also haven’t made any plans.  I’ve never really been one to celebrate.  I had a nice birthday last year, but it was a big one, so it was sort of necessary to commemorate the event, but not this year.

I was thinking about reminiscing about where I am currently and where I’d like to be by next year, but I think I talk about that kind of stuff enough regularly.  I was thinking that maybe I would talk about my favorite things at the moment, as those things tend to change, but most of you already know about some of my fixations (sure, let’s go with that), many of which will never change – see above image.

Honestly, at the moment, I don’t feel like doing much of anything.

What to do?  What to do?  Hmm…how about a little flash fiction that encapsulates the moment…


She sat on the floor cross-legged tapping her fingers to a beat that only she could hear.  Her mind wandered to and fro, mainly between fantasy worlds she desired to be a part of.  That’s how she preferred to spend her time.  The rational part of her brain spoke loudly about all the things that required her attention while the frivolous side reminded her that this was the one day she didn’t have to follow convention.  Perhaps it was all those activities she had taken part of in her youth that had caused her to become reclusive.  There was no willing herself today.  She remained inactive, despite the rising volume of her inner responsibility.

She thought of the time wasted, the gift that she had allowed to go unopened, and hoped she would be lucky enough to do better tomorrow.

*I started this post earlier in the day, but the nothing I indulged in interrupted the flow.

Anyway, Happy Birthday to me. 🙂  Thank you all for being a part of my journey and here’s to a new year that will hopefully be better than the last!