Journaling | A Writer's Discrepant Memoirs and Other Tales

In my last post I mentioned a sick pup. Something in our move to Washington State triggered an illness in him that has taken us nearly four weeks to resolve, and we’ve been here six. We were truly reconsidering the move at one point. I’ll write a separate post about this experience as he was diagnosed with something rare and other pet parents should be informed.

During these stressful weeks, our focus was only on him. What could we do for him? How could we make him more comfortable? It was hard to concentrate on anything else.

I am thankful for the job opportunity I’ve been given, but as his medical bills continue to rise, I’m already considering a change to cover the expenses. I couldn’t write, couldn’t read, didn’t have the attention span to watch anything with any sort of vested interest. All we could do was hold him and comfort him and wait for the vet to share with us the results of all the tests.

It has been hard to be positive.

Since the move my stress level has increased…beyond anything I’ve ever experienced before – and maybe it has because, in part, yoga has been relegated to the back burner for a while now. What did I do before I discovered yoga?

Being positive is a choice, but when life gets messy, it’s harder sometimes to remain so. When I saw this quote, which I saved weeks ago, I thought, “I need to change my perspective, but I can’t until I know my furkid is okay.” It’s not that I wasn’t “positive”, I had to be in order to reassure myself and The Sis that he would recover, it’s just that it was harder to find other things to be thankful for.

Hence the quote.

Sometimes we just need to get through the day and finding a moment, a silver lining makes all the difference. Maybe it’s something as simple as “you have your health” because right now, that’s actually a pretty big something. Maybe it’s that you have a job because, again, right now, that’s also a big something. Maybe they’re more personal or related to your writing, like you worked out that plot hole or you finished writing that difficult chapter. You started yoga again and are feeling better. As you start to consider the different aspects of your life, you’ll probably find a number of things to be positive about and those add up.

The world is (still) a mess, and those outside influences can definitely affect our outlook, so finding a thread of positivity is a necessity to keeping our sanity. Journaling is a great way to keep track of these, and if you’ve been struggling, I highly recommend trying it. A number of journaling prompts offer this specific practice, “what are you thankful for today”, to maintain a positive attitude and it’s an easy reference tool for when you’re feeling low.

And as writers, we’re often in our own worlds, struggling differently, often quietly. Knowing there are others, like us, out there can help lessen the burden, so if you have any tips for maintaining your positivity, please share them below and let’s help one another!

Take care! xx, Rach

Jounal I joined the site Medium last year after coming across a number of articles linked to it. It’s free to use if you only read about 3 articles a month. I was finding so many that I had a back log of nearly 75 saved articles. Knowing I would never have a chance to read them all at that rate, I joined.

Feeling at a crossroads with a big-number-impending-birthday (yes, it’s that time of year again), I was looking at articles related to self-help, following your passion, goal setting, keeping momentum and focus, etc. and I read a number of articles about journaling. Growing up, I had friends who kept diaries. I was not one of them. It’s just never worked for me to remain consistent, but after seeing how people were discovering things about themselves through this process, I decided to give it a try.

A real try.

I started mid-December and wrote everyday, almost, for a month. I decided not to review anything I had written during that time, to see what would repeat. I wanted to learn if there were areas in my life that were seeking attention and needed it. Then we took a mini break to California, so nothing happened for about a week. When we returned home, I decided to look back on what I had written to look for patterns. Here’s what I discovered about myself.

My writing is important to me and I have a lot of things I want to accomplish. When I quit my job at the end of November, a panic set in about our next steps. Were we ready to move overseas? How could we do it? Where would we live? What about our pups? What about all our stuff? I created an Etsy store after weeks of research and narrowed down our possible move, but all of it was so consuming I couldn’t write. But being away from it for a couple of months gives me anxiety as well, so it was enlightening to learn how important it is to my life.
This lead to a new idea. I want to obtain my Master’s Degree. In my research for the move, a student visa was one easy way in. I started looking at schools with film and screenwriting programs, and I got excited at the prospect. I wasn’t a great student the first time around but I enjoy learning new things now, so I’m interested in pursuing this further.
But one thing that did keep coming up was my lack of focus or motivation. I go on binges and then lose steam. I know this has been an issue, but finding it written down, repeatedly, made it more relevant. At this point in my life, I either need to do it or move on. This half-assing nonsense must come to an end.
I need therapy. I had a turbulent childhood – an alcoholic abusive step-father, for one. While on our mini break, we watched old home movies and I realized that my faulty memory is most likely due to self-preservation. There are enormous chunks of my childhood and even teen years that are complete blanks. Watching myself on the videos was like watching someone else. There is nearly no connection to anything we watched. That was a startling discovery.
I want to buy a home. The Sis and I have been renting for about 13 years now and I’m tired of it. For a couple of years now, maybe it’s because I’m in my 40s, I’ve wanted to “settle down”. I want to paint my walls and grow a garden. I want to pull up the crappy carpet and put in a farmhouse sink. I want to stop hoarding Amazon boxes like a doomsday-prepper and not feel like we’re always in limbo. It’s hard to start things if you’re always thinking about the next move. I haven’t bought things, like a dining room table because I don’t want to move it. Kitchen appliances are on hold because I don’t want to move it. A new dresser…because I don’t want to move it. This has been our life for a long time and I’m over it. Such a simple thing, and yet the tendrils associated with it are long reaching.

This is just in one month.

I’ve continued on in the same vein, I’m not reading what I’ve written this past month. With my 45th birthday just having passed, I felt like these weighty issues were becoming amplified at my own displeasure for not making more out of my life at this point. I was feeling a writer’s mid-life crisis looming, but because I’ve articulated so many things that have been bothering me through journaling, I have a better path laid out before me to make some changes.

A random discovery from such a simple act. Thank you to all those writers who shared the positive impact journaling can have on your life!

Do you journal? How has it helped you?