Fear of Success

QuestionMarksI’m certain I’ve talked about this subject in the past – the idea that even if our lives are chaotic and unsatisfying, we’re comfortable with what’s familiar, what we know.  Sometimes while striving towards a goal, the unknown can be cause for fear, even if subconsciously.

How do I know this?

I’m pretty sure I created an act of self-sabotage this week, of course without any thought.

I wrote an original TV pilot to add to my portfolio, and I have to say, I’m proud of it.  It took some time to get everything in order, it’s sci-fi with aliens and distant worlds, etc. but when I got into it, I had tons of ideas and I really wanted to spend more time with these characters.

Writing the pilot is among the most satisfying writing I’ve done.  I had a clear image in my head and I wrote it.  I made minor adjustments, but honestly, within five drafts I felt it was ready to be seen.

I sent it to my readers, got positive feedback, and then found a contest to submit it to.  I wasn’t looking for any contests, it was my plan to get everything in order for the beginning of the year, but there was a pilot launch contest from Screencraft and the deadline was fast approaching.

So, why not?!

The Sis went through the script with a fine tooth comb and found all my little grammatical errors and one thing she thought needed changing – the name of a fairly inconsequential character.  Agent Six as he had been called, reminded her of something, and it was my goal to not have anything (names, places, expletives) sound too similar to those things I had been inspired by.  If that makes sense.

I had named him Six in honor of my favorite Cylon, but upon a search, Agent Six is a pretty big character on a current running TV series, so I felt it should be changed.  I didn’t have a lot of time to make the change and I got sidetracked during the process…I’m sure you can guess what happened.

I hit submit, got ready for work, and an hour later on my drive it hit me – I hadn’t caught them all.

The Beastie Boys song “Sabotage” has been playing on repeat in my head for days now. (The fan made Rogue One trailer hasn’t helped matters.)

Was this an act of self-sabotage?  Am I afraid of getting what I want?  For all my talk about going after your dreams, am I just putting on a façade?

I am so angry with myself, still.  Yes, it’s a small error, but when you’re hoping to be a professional, the best, most perfect representation of your work should go out into the world.  Does this error deter from the story?  No.  It’s near the end and takes up a fraction of the page, but it’s there, and I know it, and I know they’ll see it.

Sigh.

And now a new deadline lingers on the horizon, and in the back of my mind I have to wonder, am I capable of setting myself up again?  I truly hope not.

I’m not sure how to spin this to be helpful, except maybe to say, “make sure you have the time and focus to rewrite your work.”  Deadlines are great motivators, but let me be an example of what not to do.  Don’t wait until the last minute.  Don’t worry about something inconsequential – it can be changed later if there’s concern.  Plan ahead.  And, I suppose, this quote sums it up perfectly:

Don't be too hard on yourself

Wishing you all the very best in your endeavors!

Writing Prompt #90

I am totally fascinated by this image from Bryan Olson:

Space:Portal

A very particular idea came to mind when I saw this, and because I’ve been lackadaisical in my flash fiction writing, I’m definitely going to challenge myself to write something about this.

Will you join me?

Happy Writing!

Quote Monday

Hi everyone!  I’m back after a crazy week of Gishwhes, and a week of recovery.

I like to do a recap of the week’s events, and as you may have noticed the odd post about Miss Jean Louis, an item for this year’s hunt, it tends to get a bit weird and challenging. Because my memory is so fragmented, this blog has become a resource for me to keep track of things, so I’ll share Team Falkor’s antics later this week.

As for today, it’s time to get back to routine and progress!

CreativityIsContagious

In light of the creativity that abounds during Gish week, and the post I wrote just a few days before it started about how I was feeling burnt out, I am now seeking out alternative means for creativity.  I’m looking to surround myself with people who are passionate and creative, because the above quote is true.

I have found myself inspired by other’s creativity, and I think that is a wonderful side effect to the creative life.  So let’s be a creative force and make beautiful things!

Writing Prompt #89

I was at a bit of a loss as to which image to share for a Writing Prompt today.  I scrolled through hundreds of images, not finding myself drawn to any one picture in particular.

And then I saw this:

Crowd

I’m not sure what exactly is drawing me to this image, but I found myself scanning the crowd…

What do you think?  Are you inspired to join me in this week’s Writing Prompt Challenge?

Happy Writing!

*Art by Craig Mullins

Quote Monday

On my days off, I had planned to write a couple of blog posts, but instead I did some cleaning, I applied for yet more jobs, started a rewrite, and did lots of reading.  Lots and lots of reading.

It was nice to give over half a day to the enjoyment of a good book.  I haven’t done that in a while.  So my apologies for a lack of interesting things this past week.  I’ll do my best to make up for it!

I saw this quote and felt it was apropos, and yet, I do not regret my time invested in reading.  It’s really research for a writer. 😉  I do sometimes find myself wasting time and energy on things I know I shouldn’t, so this is a helpful reminder:

Price

Have a great week everyone!  Keep striving towards those goals!

Writing Prompt #88

I’m a romantic at heart.  Despite what I may say randomly in other posts, I do love a happy ending, and it’s a big part of what I write.  There’s enough negative in the world.  Not wishing my stories to only be filled with fluff, there’s usually something else going on.

My Dragon Age fanfic, on the other hand, is pure fluff.  It didn’t start off that way, but because I’m having so much fun writing it, it gets the “I can do whatever I want” treatment.  And I’ve been writing a lot of it lately, so I sort of giggled when I saw this, and decided it’s the perfect Prompt to help me escape my current state of mind:

NoTime4Romance

What do you think?  Feel inspired to join me in this week’s challenge?

Happy Writing!

Quote Monday

When I started this blog, I wanted to have a clear focus as to what I wanted it to be.  I wanted to share my journey towards becoming a professional writer, I wanted to help other writers find inspiration and useful advice, and I wanted to share a few of the things I get excited about…you know, my geek side.

I did not want this to be a platform to share political, societal, or religious ideology.  I may be frustrated at the state of things, but I always want this to be a place for creatives to escape to, so to speak, a place of positivity and encouragement for the creative path we have been called to follow.

As writers, we hold a great deal of power, and it is with that voice we can do great things!  Use them wisely. 😉

*It is in light of everything, events in my own life and those surrounding us (and in spite of my earlier comments), that this rang true:

Persevere

I wish you all the very best in both your “real” life and creative one.

xx, Rach

*Updated multiple times because, despite being a writer, I could not find the right words to express my feelings correctly…

Writing Prompt Challenge Accepted #19

If you’ve been thinking about joining in the Writing Prompt fun, don’t be shy.  Jump in and join us!

I’ve been focused on my pilot and fanfic for the past few weeks, keeping to the schedule I set for myself, but I decided to stop lollygagging and write some flash fiction as well this week.

A new follower, Rinnah of Rinnah’s Place, decided to join me last week in the challenge and I am pleased to share her lovely words.

UnderTheSea

I Let Them In

I let them in, all these people now trampling over my emotions; it was I who let them in, so I can’t blame anyone. Or can I?

They said they wanted to come in or did they?

Well, at least they asked me how I was doing. And I answered them.

You see, up till now, I had perfected the art of politeness and only engaging in superficial dialogue. It seemed to serve me and the world around me well.

I would only tell people for example that I wasn’t feeling too well when they asked me where I had been for the past couple of days. I wouldn’t tell them that my blood sugar had shot to insane levels, and I’d started to feel sick and be sick; that I had developed all the symptoms of a flu without the cold and had passed out in the hospital reception when I went to see the doctor; I wouldn’t tell them that the doctor had told me I had developed diabetic ketoacidosis and warned me to stop risking my life by not taking my insulin shots while gorging myself on sugary foods.

I would say that I had a touch of the flu and decided to rest it out. It was better than trying to explain. Moreover, it wouldn’t be letting them in.

I would only smile and say, “it’s a good day after all” when they asked me why I was so excited. I wouldn’t tell them that I had won the first prize in the competition I felt I had no chance at; I wouldn’t tell them that I could now afford to pay the deposit for a house; I wouldn’t tell them that to my knowledge no one in my family had ever owned their own house. I wouldn’t tell them I had broken the jinx.

Last week I told one of them something. By the water cooler, I let out a truth close to my heart, and today I heard two near-strangers talking about matters that came from the depths of my being.

They asked me how I was doing and for once, for some reason, I decided I would tell them.

I did, and this is what I get: My innermost thoughts splashed across the invisible pages of the office tabloids.

Thank you again, Rinnah!

~*~

I should call these stream of consciousness fics as I don’t think them through and I hardly edit.  This is one of the only times I don’t stress over every word.  It’s nice.

UnderTheSeaPlay Time

I had heard their gentle knocking for some time, but the warmth of my bed continued to lull me into that semi-conscious state of euphoric bliss. There was no knowing if five minutes had passed or five hours. I danced a fine line between the dream world and the waking one, wishing there was something more to be found there. I couldn’t grasp the thread of the pleasant dream that I had been reluctant to leave, but with the sunbeams rippling in strange patterns about my room, I knew I could no longer ignore the beginnings of a new day.

I opened the window to find my friends in a spirited mood, swimming to and fro, talking in excited tones. Something was happening beyond our peaceful shoal, and they were eager for me to join them.

My Way (HoodedFigure)The Long Walk

She had always loved the early morning; the mist that hung heavy in the air, the silence that lingered while the world still slept. Fall was upon them.  The leaves had turned their lovely shade of red and had fallen from the trees in pools of rosy splendor. She would purposefully walk amidst them just to hear the soft crunch beneath her feet. She generally awoke before everyone else – it was her time to enjoy her land, her time to enjoy the little things that most people took for granted.

Today was unlike most days. Today she walked with purpose, without paying much attention to those things that usually brought her joy. The mist went unnoticed, the silence, unheard, the crunch of the fallen leaves, ignored. Only the rhythmic beat of her heart, which had a unique sound of its own, was what she heard this morning as she walked the path of the sacrificial lamb.

ShortPrompt

One Small Step…

“Short? Short?” He exclaimed out of breath.

“I thought so.” The other replied nonchalantly.

“By no means was that a short jump. Look at my legs. You thought I could clear it?”

“You did.”

“Barely.”

“C’mon. Just one more.”

“Tell me the truth. What’s it look like?”

The other one looked over the ledge that stood between them and their exit. “It’s just a short jump.” He smirked.

“I hate you.”

TheGirlinRedThe Fourth

In the final days it was said that the horsemen would ride across the earth, bringing with them the scourges that would rid the world of the unworthy. What they didn’t say, or perhaps didn’t know, was that they were already living among us. A delusional state to be in, to be sure. How could one, otherwise, account for the degree of Pestilence, Famine, and War?

The stories had been altered over time, of course – human nature’s vanity changing details to suit their own purposes. It was their way of putting those seen as their subordinates in place, among so many other fallacies declared on the Maker’s behalf. So it was no wonder they were so taken aback when Death finally made her appearance. The unavoidable. The last truth. She stood at the center of her storm, admiring her work, without having placed her hand upon her blade.

~*~

Happy Writing, my friends!

Writing Prompt #87

I need to get back to writing some flash fiction myself.  So if you think it’s too late to write a piece based on something you’ve seen here before…think again.

Come write with me!

Here’s this week’s Writing Prompt:

UnderTheSea

I look forward to seeing your creations!

Happy Writing!

Quote of the Week

I’ve been told to lower my expectations.  They are generally fairly high.

I’ve surprised people with my vocabulary, because a person in the food service industry can’t be educated?

I’ve been playing video games since they were practically invented, and yet I still get sideways glances when I say I’m a gamer, because, you know, girls don’t play video games.  Okay.

We are all a mixture of contradictions and we should be proud of who we are.  Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise or stand in the way of your dreams.

Don'tDumbYourselfDown

This quote can also be used in regards to our writing.  Write the story you want to tell and there will be people out there that get it and admire you for putting it out into the world.

Wishing you the very best in all your endeavors!